William simon


year: Senior

Hometown: cleveland, oh

Past teams: Cleveland Pipeline, bmen

Smelted in the fires of Mount Cone, Cones the last of his name, was molded in the Cleveland Industrial Park’s Plastic’s factory. His early years as one of those flaccid, low-lying orange saucer’s that dot soccer complexes around the country were relatively uneventful. Besides a brief escapade masquerading as a deformed carrot, Cones’ formative years were docile and turgid.

It wasn’t until Cones had pubescently transformed into semi-erect, slightly taller pyramid of plastic that his life took a turn for the better. He starting going to the gym and improving his conical physique. Slowly, his conical tip widened until his body resembled one of those big traffic barrels that police officers uses to block off certain parts of the highway. With his physical transformation complete, Cones looked for a safe outlet for his broad-chested body. He heard whisperings of a mysterious sport being played on the fields of the country.

His smaller friends had spent hours watching from the sidelines and told Cones that he would be a great fit for the sport of the future, a sport that many were calling “ultimate”. Eager for the challenge, Cones strapped on a sports bra to control his big pecs, and hit the fields. His shorter stature and the fact that he blended in as part of the equipment meant that many opponents had trouble covering him and he subsequently tore it up.

Soon after his explosive debut, Cones came to Tufts, bringing many of his cone friends with him. He impressed the team with his ability to move his legs really fast, especially impressive considering he is a cone, traditionally a legless species.