Jac Carreiro


YEAR: Junior



Born to a couch and a dinosaur, in the boondocks known as New Bedford, Couch has struggled with speaking English properly as a result of his upbringing. Claiming that his mother can speak properly, one must wonder how anyone so civilized can end up so far from civilization. One must also wonder, is his mother the couch or the dinosaur?

One peculiarity of Couch is his preference to lay on couches over beds. We have yet to deduce what that means. Another is his insistence that shorts and calf length socks is better for winter than pants. These are likely also a result of his boondock upbringing.

Growing up, Couch played baseball, he made it all the way to his high school varsity team. One day, in an attempt to impress his girlfriend, Couch decided to try to jump over a trampoline net after seeing a friend attempt to do so. The first attempt left him bruised and slightly bloody, he none the less made a second attempt at the trampoline.

He woke up several days later to find he had no girlfriend, no friends, and no trampoline, granted it was not his trampoline to begin with. At least he still had his baseball career, until several months later when he failed to catch a line drive and was scarred by the thought of a baseball. Two or more was fine, but a singular baseball could potentially bring this seemingly stolid man to tears; just as Cheez-Its can cause him to giggle uncontrollably. Though he would return to the baseball field, by the time he arrived at college he had lost the desire to play baseball.

Couch began flinging biscuits one day and he impressed all with his beautiful flick huck, and he perplexed all with his lack of anything backhand related. He later showed the same bodily disregard by taking an injury after bidding only to return for the next point and again having to take an injury after bidding. One must assume he is still trying to impress his girlfriend, much the same way he did with the trampoline.