Brian Barrows

Nickname: Sprian

year: Junior

Hometown: Nashua, NH

Past teams: Tufts BMen, Somerville Bag

Brian “Wheel ‘Of Cheese’” Barrows is largely known to the state of New Hampshire as a member of the historic 15th best regional seatbelt buckling fire drill team, affectionately known as “Barrows y los Boys”. Whipped into shape by his hard-driving Stat istics teacher, who oversaw the legendary gang, Barrows developed an affinity for the belt. Everyday after school, Barrows would practice buckling and unbuckling, exiting and entering the minivan, and using high-intensity interval training to ensure his vehicular circumnavigation was top shelf. Barrows’ family found his devotion to this eccentric sport simultaneously inspiring and exhausting.

“Sometimes in the summer months I’d have to remind him more than once to protect himself from the sun” says Barrows’ mother, Sprian. “If it weren’t for my constant reminders he’d have burned to a crisp!”

Fast forward several years later. Basking in the once-luminous glory of his seatbelt success, Barrows realized that it was time for him to reapply both his skills and his sunscreen. The day had come to translate his unbuckling prowess into a similarly obscure yet challenging activity. Watching Fletcher field from the safety of his Vineyard Vines swim shirt, Barrows found himself lost in the mesmerizing circumvolutions, reminiscing of his days swiftly circling the minivan in search of his next personal best time. Barrows felt an old hunger that he hadn’t felt in a long time.

Soon, Barrows joined the boys and their curious circles, learning to twist and swivel in light, harmonious unison. His skill grew exponentially. Having conquered the valiant C-Men and brave B-Men, Barrows decided to join the prestigious “Elephant Men” in their quest for greatness. The E-Men soon learned to value Barrows, both on and off the playing field. On the field, Barrows cut and bid his way to E-Men lore, while his off the field expertise in remembering the first three letters of the standard gear shift acronym proved indispensable.

Brian “Middle Name” Barrows, you are truly a model E-Man.